The phone rings. A shaky voice says, “Grandma, it’s me. I’m in trouble. Please don’t tell Mom.” Then someone else takes the phone: a “lawyer” or an “officer” who needs money right away for bail, a hospital bill or a car accident. That’s the grandparent scam, and it works because it hits love and panic at the same time.
The good news: a few family rules, agreed on a calm day, stop most of these calls cold. Here’s how to set them up with your parents in about 15 minutes.
How the grandparent scam works
The FTC lists four signs of a scam: someone pretends to be from an organization you know (or, here, pretends to be family), says there’s a problem, pressures you to act now and tells you how to pay. The grandparent scam usually adds two more:
- Secrecy. “Don’t tell Mom and Dad. I’m so embarrassed.”
- Odd ways to pay. Gift cards, a wire, crypto, a payment app, or cash or gold handed to a “courier” who comes to the door.
Today the voice can even sound right. Computer tools can copy a voice from a short clip, so “It didn’t sound like him” is no longer a safe test.
The fix: a family code word
The FBI’s elder fraud page says: “Create a shared verbal family password or phrase that only you and your loved ones know.” If a caller says they’re family and need money fast, your parent asks one question: “What’s our word?” No word, or the wrong one, means hang up and call that person back on the number they already have.
How to pick it
- Easy to remember, hard to guess. A silly two- or three-word phrase works. Skip pet names, streets, birthdays and anything ever posted online.
- Don’t use an example from a book or website, including this one.
- Only the people your parent chooses know it. Usually one or two family members.
Where it lives
Best: nowhere. Say it out loud together a few times. Don’t put it on the fridge, in a text, in an email or in a shared spreadsheet. Then say it together again once a year so nobody forgets.
Three family rules that stop most scams
1. Hang up. Call back on a number you already know.
Use the number on the back of the card, on a paper statement or on a list you made together. Never use a number from the call, text, email or pop-up. The FTC says: “Don’t call a number they gave you or the number from your caller ID.”
2. No gift cards, wires, crypto or cash for any caller.
And never move money to keep it “safe” because a caller said so. The FTC says: “No government agency will demand you wire money or pay with gift cards, cryptocurrency, or a payment app.”
3. If anyone asks for money, call one of us first.
This is only about money a caller, text or email asks for. Your parent’s own bills stay their business. But when someone reaches out and asks for money, your parent calls a family member first, even if the caller said to keep it secret.
How to bring it up without sounding bossy
Most parents don’t like being told they could be fooled. Try making it about the family, not about them:
“Mom, I read that scammers can copy voices now, even mine. Can we pick a family code word so you’d always know it’s really me?”
Then read the three rules out loud together and ask, “Can these be our family rules?” Your parent decides where a reminder card goes: on the fridge, by the phone or by the computer. Keep the card free of private details. No code word, no bank names, no account numbers.
And remember: scammers do this for a living. Anyone can be fooled. If it happens, no shame, just call the bank right away on a number you trust, and report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
A printable scam plan for your family
The Plus and Complete editions of The Parent Paperwork System include The Family Scam Shield: a large-print STOP Before You Pay card for by the phone, a code word page, a call-back numbers sheet and calm words for the talk. Every edition helps you write down where your parent’s papers, accounts and bills are kept. Try the free sample (PDF) first.
This article is general information. In an emergency, call 911.